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To Kid Or Not To Kid

December 9, 2015

To Kid Or Not To Kid: That is the Question


Me and my big sister, Pam.

When I was young and knew exactly how my adult life would unfold, I knew I was going to get married. I’d be married and have my first baby at twenty-seven. My sister, who was fifteen years old when I was born, was married with a child at twenty-four. She strongly advised against me following in her footsteps, so I decided twenty-seven was a good age.

Twenty-seven came and went. I wasn’t ready for kids.

Throughout my twenties, I was always back and forth on the kid debate. Let’s keep it real. Life without kids sounds amazing, okay? I’m not rich, nor do I expect I ever will be. There are a lot of things I want out of life. I have a long bucket list and kids makes that list more complicated and more expensive. What? You want to save me literally millions of dollars? What? I don’t have to deal with school plays, recitals, parent-teacher conferences, tantrums, school expenses, activity expenses, food, clothing, and medical expenses, other people’s snot-nosed kids in my home, and, perhaps best of all, I don’t have to deal with other parents? That sounds horrible.



I want kids. It’s a conundrum. There’s so much I want to do that would be so much easier if I didn’t have kids. At the same time, these days, I think about sharing the things I want to do, to accomplish, with my kids. Somewhere around thirty, I started imagining my future with the assumption my kids would be around.

Great. Problem solved. I want kids. Let’s get it done. Should be simple, right? Ha! It never is.

It’s true what they say that no one is ever ready for a child. I don’t even have a child, and I know that. The secret, I think, is that all the factors are at an acceptable level.

I don’t make enough money to raise a child the way I want to raise them. However, my job is more secure than most, and there is a clear path to making decent money. It’s an attainable path. I’m almost done with my bachelor’s degree—Sociology, if you’re curious. My end game is to be a senior social worker with the county of Orange. I’m on the path.

I’ve never wanted to be an older mom. My parents were thirty-seven when I was born. It’s not that I feel like I missed out on something. In fact, since my mother was in a secure place for a lot of my childhood, I had a lot of advantages. I simply don’t want to have a toddler at forty. That’s all. I’m thirty-three. If everything goes as planned, I will have my first child at thirty-four. The age is right.

Basically, I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be, and I’m eager.


Get it?

There is one more problem I forgot to mention. Kind of a large problem. Well, as large as an average of 5.5 inches can be, anyway. The problem is, I’m currently only in possession of half of the biological components necessary to spark a life into being.

But more on that next time.

Dear Baby,

Right now, you’re a glimmer in my eye. You’ve been carefully planned. Plotted. Hey, your mom’s a writer, little person. It was bound to happen.

I’m sure by the time you read this, you and I will have been through a lot together. I’m sure I’ve made you hate me and made you sure I hate you. Ouch. I’m sorry. Your mommy is a mess of flaws. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the definition of human: we are a beautifully flawed species.

Here is the cold, hard proof of how much I wanted you. It’s out here on the Internet. You know what they say. Nothing ever really gets erased from the Internet. Keep that in mind. It’s good advice.

This is the start of your story, baby. It doesn’t start the same way as a lot of your friends. It doesn’t start, “When a woman and a man love each other very much…” or, “When a woman and a man had one too many drinks…” or, well, you get the idea. Your story begins, “When a woman decided she wanted a baby, and she didn’t want a man…”

Go forward to: Episode 2 – Frequently Asked Questions

8 Comments leave one →
  1. renew permalink
    December 9, 2015 10:48 pm

    Yes, I love your intro to your baby…and that we are all flawed. This is why I do love your words, they always resonate with me in some way. I too, agree with your timeline. I had my first at 33/34. Yikes. And now I’m preg with my third after a few bumps along the way. I’m eager to share your journey 🙂

  2. Jen S permalink
    December 9, 2015 10:52 pm


    My words cannot express how extremely proud I am of you. Not only for getting to this point in your life, but also for the decision that you took to share this wonderful, peculiar, AMAZING journey that you’re about to embark on with the world. It will be both an exciting and scary time, but you’re so brave and strong and I am absolutely thrilled for you. You know my thoughts on kids and motherhood, so you know that you can 110% count on my support of your decision. This is my wish for you, that you have the most incredible time as this chapter of your life slowly unfolds. Its very brave of you to put this out there and have the world witness you achieving your dream. I’m so fucking proud.

    And now, to the little one….

    Dear baby,

    Your mama is one of the strongest, kindest, most special people I know. She has been ljek a best friend to me… in other ways, the sister i never had. You are extremely blessed to have her as your mom, and your dad, I guess. I’m so grateful to know her, and hopefully you in time to come. Rest assured that she will take very good care of you, and she will love you fiercely because she has a lot of it to give. Heart, body and soul. She won’t stop loving and caring and giving, because she just doesn’t know how to.

    I look forward to meeting you, little person.

    xox Jen (Packy)

  3. December 10, 2015 1:09 am

    This is starting great and I can’t wait to read more about your journey. It’s so exciting!

  4. December 10, 2015 6:07 am

    Fantastic post! 🙂 Good luck on everything. I look forward to reading more about what’s to come!

  5. Collette permalink
    December 10, 2015 11:37 am

    Best wishes. Hoping everything works out the way you want it to.

  6. NixHaw permalink
    December 11, 2015 2:14 am

    I am in awe of you! And while it might not count for much, I want you to know that I totally support you. Basically in everything you do, but especially in this 😉

  7. December 12, 2015 7:58 pm

    i don’t know if there’s ever a perfect time or age to have a child. I know my husband and I went through all kinds of lists before having a child…and we kept adding to it until I said we’ll never have a kid at this rate! Ha! So I got pregnant. Congrats on the start of a new adventure!


  1. Frequently Asked Questions | Kristina M. Sanchez

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